BETTER BY DESIGN.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labour. “Ecclesiastes 4:9”

Now, you have heard so much about how your home is supposed to be better. You have heard about how you two of you together are better than two of you apart.

Well, you must know that just because you are married doesn’t mean things will get better. Things don’t just happen. We live in a world with a system diametrically opposed to God’s system. So, if you live by default, you will get results of this world. If you want bible results then you must follow bible principles. If your home will be better, it can only be better by design.

WHAT IS THE DESIGN FOR YOUR HOME?

Apostle Paul described himself as a wise master builder. (1 Corinthians 3:10) The New Living Translation renders it as “Expert Builder”, if you are going to have an expert builder with regards to your home, then you must resort to God to get the design of your home. I keep saying people run into trouble because they look reality shows and secular programming to get principles with which to run their homes. They want to raise their children by principles proffered by people who do not even understand the purpose and the design of families. If you will be a wise master-builder, you must go to God who is the original designer, receive a blueprint and then run with it. You should ask questions about the foundation to build on. You should be clear about the fence (Boundaries and protection system). When you have these on paper, you and your spouse must join hands together to make sure this plan is followed.

I have listed a few I think are crucial to having a great home. The list is not exhaustive and I pray that you will help to make your home that ideal home you have dreamt of. At this point, I must point out that building the home is not strictly the job of the husband since he is the head of the home. The Bible says: “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.” Proverbs 4:1

It is important that both husband and wife join hands to build a home that will glorify God and inspire the world.

WHAT IS THE FOUNDATION?

What is your home founded on? Ideally, you and your spouse ought to have agreed on what foundation your home would be built on before you got married. However, in Christ, you are not disadvantaged. If you built on a wrong foundation, you can raise the building and change the foundation. Are you building on the word of God? Is your home founded on kingdom principles? If it is, you can be certain that no matter what storms hit, you will survive. We know that long after heaven and earth passes away, the word of God will be alive and strong. If that is the case, it will be wise to build on stuff that can survive the worst of storms-the word of God. You and your spouse must agree that the word is the final authority. Any time there is infighting in any home it is because either one or both parties is fighting the word of God. Choose to stay with the word.

WHAT IS THE FENCE?

The fence speaks of boundaries and protection. You see, the fence of your home is not designed to lock you out of the world as much as it is designed to lock the world away from you. This doesn’t mean the fence isolates you, instead it insulates you. The fence makes sure private things are private. The fence make sure you do not cross some limits you placed for your own safety. Some things are just off limits. You must agree on some things you will never do either as a couple or as individuals. Just because every other couple is practicing them doesn’t mean you should practice them. These walls may seem limiting but they are for your own good.

WHAT IS THE TOILET STRUCTURE?

There must be a system to eject waste. If you heap waste in your body, your body will expire. If you heap waste in your home, your home will expire. When two people from different backgrounds and different upbringing get together there is bound to be friction. This is normal. What is not normal is when the friction is allowed to persist. Persistence friction will cause heat and heat will bring flames and when the house gets on fire, it is too late. Apologize, forgive, appreciate, accommodates. Remember you are not perfect yourself and your spouse also has had to forgive you. You must have a conflict resolution mechanism. While I advocate that private things must be kept private, there must be someone your spouse and yourself look up to- An older couple, your pastors or leaders. These are people that you agree to be accountable to that when it hits the fan, there are people to guide and direct.

WHAT IS THE BEDROOM STRUCTURE?

Intimacy is key. You must have a plan and structure for intimacy- don’t kid yourself. The temptation for couples who have become parents is to focus on the child/children and works to the point that the romance that ignited the union in the first place is ignored. Don’t go at that route. God intended sex between married couples to be for pleasure and not juts for procreation. However, when the subject of intimacy is raised, it is easy to think of just sex and forget about romance. Get your groove on! Dot over your spouse. Make him/her feel special. Get creative. Romance doesn’t have to be expensive but if you can afford a more expensive experience, why not? A thoughtful note, a brief call, cards, flowers, gifts, a touch—these go a long way to let your spouse know he/she is special. You will be shocked that your wife thinks it’s wonderful that you let her go shopping with her friends (of course you provided the cash and did not ask for a report!)

There is so much we can do to build our homes and make them better. As you do these things and stay with the word, Holy Spirit will inspire you.

You will do well.

Rev. Biodun Fatoyinbo

Snr Pastor of: Commonwealth of Zion Assembly (COZA)