Some days you just not
want to get on any of the social media platforms. News is replete with
marriages breaking down, couples giving up on each other and people who had
sworn to live together in a happily-ever-after union now perpetrating some of
the most heinous crimes against their spouses. Many times, I wonder what really
went wrong. No two people meet, decide they hate each other and then get
married. Usually, these two people are in love; everything is fine and fun
filed; then they walk down the aisle and it seems they walk into trouble. It
seems some couples decide they do not want each other even before they have
taken off their wedding clothes! What went wrong?
I have been married a
while and I have pastured a while too. I have observed that the root of many
marital issues is selfishness. When people get so selfish that they only see
what they want and refuse to acknowledge God’s counsel, they set their home up
for disaster. The truth is that couples hardly ever fight each other. It’s
either one or both of them has or have refused to align with God’s Word, and
when we fight God’s will, we hurt ourselves.
“we all fell
down, and I heard a voice saying to me in Aramaic, Saul, Saul, why are you
persecuting me? It is useless for you to fight against my will”. Acts
26:14(NLT)
In the above scripture,
Saul learnt that the more he fought God’s will, the more he hurt himself.
Many homes have been
set up in such a way that their principles are diametrically opposed to and
mutually exclusive of God’s principles. Any home set up like that will have
untold pain. You see, many people have perfected the art of great public
appearance while their homes are in total disarray. If you will have a great
home, you must decide to go God’s route. It may seem archaic. It may not be in
vogue but I assure you that it is still effective.
WHY
THE FIGHT?
You may be good alone,
but you and your spouse are better together. (Ecclesiastes 4:9). You see, while
one may chase a thousand, two will put ten thousand to fight. (Deuteronomy
32:30) Before you get too excited, you have to look closely at the words. Two
will not have to chase ten thousands. Ten thousand will see them and flee!! Is
it possible that this is why the enemy is fighting the power in the marriage
covenant? Is the enemy petrified at the thought of the infinite possibilities
that accompany the agreement in marriage?
HONOUR
‘……in honour
giving preference to one another’ (Romans 12:10b)
This verse of scripture
is not only targeted towards married couples- there is so much to gain from it.
How do you run your home? Does everything have to go your way? Do you act like
if your spouse does not agree with you, then there can be no progress?
Do you have to put your
needs before every other person’s needs? Have you considered the fact that you
really may not know all things? Is the biblical order for the home too ancient
for your modern thinking? Do you elevate the traditions of men over and above
the Word of God? These are questions we must ask ourselves, and answer
correctly if we want to have a godly and great home. When your spouse knows
that you will place her/him before yourself, you have created an atmosphere of
security and bliss.
SUBMIT
‘submiting
yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto
your own husbands, as unto the Lord….. (Ephesians 5:21,22)
Couples are first
enjoined to submit to each another. You see, married couples are a team. Both
of you have diverse areas of strengths. There is no need to bully your way
through financial planning if your spouse handles figure better than you do.
Submit. Just because your husband permits you to handle the financial bit of
the home doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give him feedback or follow his
instructions. Submission has to be mutual.
In God’s order, the man
is the head of the house. Anything that fights that order is fighting God. In
God’s order, your wife is your own body and you must love her as Christ loves
the church. Anything that fights that is fighting God, and you know it is
useless to fight God.
The chaos prevalent in
homes today will drop drastically if people would just return to God’s word and
do as He has directed. He has been since the beginning of the world and long
after the earth passes away, God will still be here. Don’t you think it is
easier to follow His principles instead of wandering off on your own on a
strange path? You will avoid untold pain
and unnecessary sorrows if you follow the blueprint of the Lord.
‘Husbands,
likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife….. (1
Peter 3:7)
Here Paul speaks to the
husband, but the instructions should be heeded by both parties. Dwell with your
spouse with understanding. No matter how long you courted and how much you
think you know about your spouse, you have to make it your duty to understand
him/her. You will be shocked the number of spouses who dwell with their
partners with assumptions. They assume they know their favorite past time. They
assume they know why they get back cranky from work. They assume that whatever
they read in a certain popular magazine about a gender is true for all members
of that gender. Do not assume. Take time to study and understand her. Why does
he react to things in a certain times? When you take time to really understand
your spouse, you will find the rewards to be beyond your wildest imagination.
God has great plans for
your home. Go God’s way. Let Him be involved in everything you do. Let his word
be paramount in your home. Decide to honour your spouse and watch him/her
blossom like flowers in spring!!
Your family is about to
enter a new phase. Receive it.
You will do well
Rev. Biodun
Fatoyinbo
Snr Pastor of:
Commonwealth of Zion Assembly (COZA)
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