The simple fact that
the world's system is such that promotes ambition, achievements,
accomplishments, and commensurate reward naturally has, embedded the realities
of rivalry, competition, strife, envy and contest.
If no matter what you
do or how hard you work, everyone on earth is rewarded equally strife, envy
competition and jealousy will be extremely low if not totally eradicated.
If every human being
is entitled to the same amount of monthly income, the same kind of house, the
same kind of cars, the same kind of clothes, the same quality of food, the same
quality of health care, the same quality of education; if everybody gets the
same thing no matter what you do, stress level amongst us will decline by
probably 90%.
Many of us are not
unhappy and stressed up today because we are in lack, many of us are stressed
up today because we are in competition. We believe we belong to a particular
social cadre and should associate with a certain category and profile of
persons, hence our daily hard work and diligence to keep up with our class of
people.
Your daily labour and
diligence so as to earn a salary of about a million or more monthly is not
because you can't feed well, cloth well or afford a decent accommodation and
pay your basic bills if you're currently earning lower than that. It's about a
particular quality and standard of living which you believe you should
apprehend primarily because that's where your mates are at and that's where you
think you should be as well.
Social relevance,
rivalry and the desperation to belong is the major cause of unhappiness for
most of us today, not lack.
Dear friends, if you
do not take deliberate steps to set yourself free from this thinking and
lifestyle, you will hardly be a happy person. You will always be under pressure
as daily your mates and even people beneath you will achieve things difficult
for you to achieve immediately. And this will constantly put you under pressure
and you'll hardly be a happy person.
How then do you
develop and determine your happiness? It's about creating your personal values
and setting your own priorities in life and sticking by your personal decisions
and criteria for a good life.
The foundation for
happiness is for you to live your life consistent with your innermost values
and principles while thinking and acting in harmony with your highest
aspirations. Simply put, stop pretending. Stop living a fake life, stop living
to impress people with achievements, accomplishments, material possessions and
money.
Whatever you want to
have, whatever you want to do, have them and do them because it is what you
want, not because you want to impress or oppress anybody. Own and control your
own life. Have your values and principles and along these, pursue your personal
goals and ambition – for yourself not for anybody else.
Happy men and women
are those who have taken the time to decide clearly what it is they believe in
and in what order and they have organised these beliefs such that all they do
reflect these beliefs.
Happy men and women
have personal values and principles, rated in order of importance and no matter
the situation, they never compromise their faith in their values. They stick by
these values as it is the core of their happiness.
Dear friend, what are
your personal values? What are the things you value? What are those things that
are really important to you? I'm not talking about those things you count as
important because it makes you relevant and acceptable in the community you
want to belong to, I'm talking about what you count as valuable and important
to you irrespective of what other people think.
Dear friend, I believe
the beginning of your life of happiness is to develop and come up with a
personal value statement. Write it out. Write down those things you consider
important and valuable to you. Rank them in order of importance and choose to
stick by them no matter the pressure or challenge to compromise.
Personally, my value
statement has listed, the most important things to me and they are ranked in
order of importance. First is God, then family, then health, then career, then
money then entertainment.
All these are very
important to me in life and they are ranked in order of importance. No matter
the situation, I would always favour the higher order value over the lower
order value. You can tell what you really believe by observing your feelings
and reaction when you have to make a choice or decision.
When you have a value
statement and it is authentic because it truly reflects your innermost
convictions about what is important and the ratings, every time you violate
your values, it will create a high level of stress, inner turmoil and
unhappiness.
When you stand by your
values no matter the pressure and conditions, it will bring you happiness,
harmony, inner peace, wellbeing and a high level of self-confidence.
My dear friend, what
are your values? Do you have a value statement, do you have your principles? Do
you personally stand for anything?
Would you place career
over family? What is the implication on your happiness and peace? Would you
place money above God, what is the implication on your conscience and courage?
If you're fired from
your job because you prioritised the peace, wellbeing, tranquillity of your
home and marriage you may not feel so bad. But if you're fired from your job
because you were caught helping yourself with monies belonging to your
employer, you will feel very bad and ashamed. Well this will also depend on if
money is more important to you than your career and reputation.
Dear friends,
happiness is something you create through integrity with your personal beliefs
and principles. No matter how popular your decisions and choices, no matter the
applause and recognition, if it contravenes your personal principle, you will
never be happy.
If you win many awards
at your place of employment because you're always at work, you frequently sleep
in the office and your spouse and kids hardly see you, if you're truly a lover
of family, the award will mean nothing to you no matter how elaborate the
ceremony is and the number of congratulations you receive.
If you spend most of
your time in entertainment, lounging with friends, partying, clubbing, visiting
and generally having fun to the end that your work quality, delivery time and
productivity is compromised, you can hardly be happy at work. You heart will
always skip a beat every time you're called up by the boss. You can hardly be
on top of your job.
Ladies and gentlemen,
happiness is developing a personal value system and sticking with it come what
may. Stop competing with others, stop trying to keep up with the joneses,
determine your goals, pace and timing and let your values and principles guide
you through. That's how to be happy. Dear friends, develop your own values for
happiness.
Written By : Muyiwa Afolabi
CEO; Frontiers Consulting Services
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