The power and influence of the society in
determining our thinking, behaviours, belief and value systems cannot be
overemphasised.
In every community
there are expected patterns and manners of behaviour which most definitely is
to make everyone appropriate in thinking and fit for co-existence with other
people. There are cultures, ethics, norms and traditions, put in place,
acceptable by everyone in the community which sets the tone and pattern for
co-habiting and co-existence.
Culture, tradition,
rules and norms shape the way we live together as mankind. The more tolerant,
productive, peaceful and liberating a culture is, the more civil that culture
is believed to be, hence when a culture is restricting, discriminatory,
conservative or infringes on personal rights, its believed and classified as
primitive or uncivil.
The power of cultures
and traditions lie in the ability to shape and reform the dynamics of our mind.
In every society, People feel really bad and guilty when they indulge in
matters or behaviours not acceptable in their tradition or society. They think
they have become bad, a non-conformist, a rebel and a spoiler simply because
they have not acted or behaved within the provisions and guidelines of the
traditions, rules or laws of their community or society. They see themselves as
law breakers.
Civilised societies
don't enact laws and rules primarily to protect or preserve the interest or
selfish ambition of the rulers or the more powerful in the society. Civilised
societies usually enact laws that would protect the rights and desires of each
member of the society.
However, whether in
primitive or civilised societies, rules, regulations and traditions enacted and
propagated to either protect the rights of the powerful or the rights of the
commoners or the rights of everyone cannot bring about good growth, real
prosperity and progress if it is based on feelings and not outcomes.
The consequence or
implication of particular human traits, behaviours, desires and preferences
should be the basis for enacting laws and cultures and not just for freedom
sakes.
In truly civilised
societies, human rights should be the right to do what is right and not the
right to do what we like, because many times what we really want and like can
hurt us and others.
Because we are
naturally weak as mankind against the desires of our carnal nature, we often
experience frustration in life. The things we do not want to do, we find
ourselves doing, that which we want to do, we struggle in doing.
Sincerely in our
hearts, and by design mankind is good, kind, considerate and caring. But there
is a force, the power of the flesh, the carnal nature constantly contending and
suppressing our will to be our original good self. Self-centeredness and
weakness of the senses in lusting after the pleasures of what we see, what we
feel and how we want to be perceived keep running contrary and suppressing our
fundamental and natural good nature as humans.
That's why even if
someone hurts you and you revenge, after a while you will begin to feel bad and
remorse would set in for hitting back; you will feel empty and low, you can in
fact become angry at yourself and feel so sad and sorry when you see the pain
caused by your vengeance, this is because by nature, you are not designed to
hurt anyone even your enemies. But the power of the carnal nature; this nature
you're weak against, keeps pushing you to do that which you deep on the inside
don't want to do.
This war within
unfortunately has today made many of us unhappy, depressed, angry, frustrated
and disgusted about life.
Worse still is the
constant judgement and criticism of our wrong acts and bad behaviour by other
people. They judge, criticise, condemn and reject us because of the wrong
things we do and the bad habits we have. Little do they know that we hate the
fact we are that way much more than they do.
We hate to lie, we
hate to steal, we hate to gossip, we hate to slander, we hate being jealous,
greedy and we're so ashamed of our gluttony, being overweight and even our
sexual perversions. We hate the fact we are that way more than anyone can know;
yet, no one sees that and they just conclude we are deliberate and proud of our
despicable acts.
Sadly we face a battle
on the inside and a worse battle on the outside; battles of rejection,
condemnation, criticism and judgement from other people we believe
and think ought to help us and love us through our struggles until we overcome.
Hmm.
Consequently in
rebellion; out of frustration and not finding that help and truth on how to
escape, we change our approach on our coping methods with our sad lives and
weaknesses. We then begin to challenge the rules of proper living and question
why what is obviously not appropriate is said not to be appropriate and
acceptable.
We know these acts are
wrong but we want to sell them as right and we want the society to buy and
accept them as right. We're tired of struggling with this wrong thing and
seeing ourselves as wrong and we want to feel right still doing what is wrong
because we have become absolutely powerless against this wrong habit and
behaviour; seeing no help, only criticism from everywhere. We want to make what
is wrong acceptable as right in the society to escape criticism, judgement and
condemnation and also feel free to a degree.
Dear friend, no matter
how well sold a lie is, it remains as untrue in the depth of your conscience
because you are naturally designed with a good nature and a perfect conscience.
Celebrate it all you
like, sell it as hard as you can, when you're alone, with yourself, by
yourself, in your room, when all the noise is over and evil encouragers gone,
in the stillness of your spirit, and the silence of your mind, there is this
still small voice, deep on your inside, telling you in love and tenderness,
that you are wrong.
Dear friend, believe
me I understand your struggles and personal weaknesses; everyone struggles, we
all have weaknesses and bad habits too, it's just that most of us are
hypocrites; we pretend and hide behind religion until we are caught and
exposed.
Your approach
shouldn't be trying to make people accept that wrong as right, it should be in
seeking people that are real, true, kind, understanding and helpful; willing to
help you overcome the habit, the addiction, the bitterness, the jealousy, your
over eating, your obesity, your vile tendencies, your drunkenness, your
immorality and sexual perversion. You don't really want people to accept you and
let you remain in your self-destructing behaviours, what you really want and
need is help to overcome and be good and strong and free.
No matter how you
paint the nasty habit as okay, you really don't need a habit that will make
your ability to marry or your marriage difficult, you don't need a habit that
would make your career prospects and business difficult, you don't need a habit
that would jeopardise your health, you don't need a habit that would make you
lose your mind, you don't need a habit that will make you sick or bring you
terminal illness, you don't need a habit that will bring you disrespect and
ridicule and shame, you don't need a habit that will make you poor, you don't
need a habit that could bring you sudden death and you definitely don't need a
habit you can't defend before your God and creator when your days on earth are
over.
You need love. And
guess what? you're perfectly imperfect for some of us who aren't hypocrites,
who understand and are willing to love you through your struggle and walk with
you all the way, till you eventually overcome, till you become free, till you
become victorious and become truly happy. You deserve a happy life. You only
live once you know.
Written By : Muyiwa Afolabi
CEO; Frontiers Consulting Services
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