As mankind, we are
creatures of responsibility. We have a natural assignment to manage and
administer the earth and the world. Every man is born into this system with the
capacity to create and add value to life. No one just exits all through life
without doing or accomplishing anything. Our attempt at creating or adding
value in this world may not be at its best, but everyone is expected to
contribute in one way or another to existence, survival and continuity.
It is therefore
natural that as you grow and mature, everyone and the society naturally begin
to have expectations from you. They begin to look out for your skills,
abilities and capacities, hoping you'll deploy all efficiently for the benefit
of first, your immediate relatives and then the society at large.
Right from early
childhood, you're expected to do well in school, stand out academically and be
ahead of your peers in performance. You attract commendation, rewards and
applaud from all if you do well and you attract reprimand and reproof if you
fall short on expectations.
Every parent expects
their child to do well in school, it is their expectation; they believe if they
will be investing for many years in the life of this child, that they love so
much, this child must live up to their expectations. This child shouldn't
disappoint them and should grow up making them proud by fitting into their
dreams for him.
By this reason we have
been trained from childhood not to be selfish about life but to understand
whatever we do or don't do can actually hurt others, especially those who love
and care about us.
Hence we have a sense
of responsibility and concern for others and we aspire daily to live up to
their expectations; we don't want to disappoint them.
The natural process of
raising children imposes on the child first, the obligation to do what the
parents or care givers want. This is because as a child, the intelligence,
experience and maturity are lacking to make wise decisions and deliver
excellent judgment on matters.
But as time goes on
and this child attains adulthood, his own will and preferences should
subsequently be prioritized. Incidentally for many parents, they find it
difficult to accept this reality, because children happen to grow much faster
than parents expect, and no matter how old a child is, to the parents, they are
still children and must be guided or controlled. Hmmm.
Any child raised with
the mind to, at all times and in all situations obey the parents, that child
may begin to struggle later in life with having a mind of his own. If a child
has been raised not to, as it were, think but just do, that child is likely
going to end up living to please people.
Children should hence
be raised to have an opinion, be free to share their opinion and properly
educated on the reason behind any advice and instruction so they can grow to
think intelligently, not just obey any instruction from anyone either good or
bad.
Many of us today
practically live our lives to please, impress and meet up with the expectations
of other people.
We are at the bottom
on our priority list and we have unfortunately been raised and manipulated to
think we don't really matter as much as other people in our lives and sadly, we
have been programmed for our joy to only come from the approval of others and
meeting up with their expectations.
Unfortunately victims
of the expectations of others never get to live their preferred lives and fail
to fulfil their own dreams and purposes. They keep twisting and bending in
order to impress and meet up and gain approval.
An extreme is when they even begin to pick up vices and very bad
habits because they think it's the ‘in-thing' and if they don't do it, the society
would view them differently and reject them.
May I say to you, that
many ladies today who dress indecently and don't cover up appropriately don't
really intend to expose their bodies; they dress that way because it's
trending. And sadly, they have not been raised to have a mind of their own.
They have been raised to follow the crowd.
Many people today who
do drugs didn't suddenly have a craving for drugs, they did it to probably gain
acceptance by a friend or group of friends they desperately wanted to impress.
Dear friends, are you
living another life different from what you really want? Do you make choices
and take decisions considering what others feel first? Are you always the last
on your own consideration list? Would you always give up your joy, peace,
convenience, and desires to meet the expectations of people who don't really
value you or respect you?
Are you still trying
to please your parents every time, hence displeasing yourself? Have you totally
given up your person, your life, dreams and happiness to meet the expectations
of your spouse? Are you desperately bending backwards to impress a boss who can
hardly commend your efforts or compliment your good work?
Please understand I'm
not asking that you become inconsiderate and selfish, I'm only calling your
attention to balance so as to protect yourself from the self-centeredness of
others and their manipulative tendencies.
When people realize
you don't want to fail or disappoint them, they often use it against you and
ask for outrageous favors!
Today you run around basically to meet up with several
expectations from several people: your wife, your husband, your children, your
subordinates, your friends, your parents, your colleagues, your relatives, your
religious associates and even at times even strangers. A common remark that is
a pointer to this will to please strangers is ‘what will people
say?'
Truth is many of us
tend to keep up the smile and façade of being very happy and delighted with our
lives, but deep on the inside, we feel low, down, and depressed. We yearn for
freedom from living for others. We at times will think of calling the bluff of all
these people but we lack the courage to pull it off.
We spend monies we
don't have, buy things we can hardly afford, and make promises we will really
bend to fulfil because we don't want to disappoint others.
You're not enjoying
your job, your marriage, your relationship, your friendship, and your life
because you're always making the sacrifice; you don't want to correct things
because you fear to offend the parties involved, you live for them and endure
hurt and discomfort just to keep the peace.
Dear friend, don't you
think it's not the way to live a life of purpose and great achievement when you
live by the dictates of people who really don't know and care less about your
dreams and ambition?
Have you been raised
to believe your life is but to make others happy even if it kills you? Are you
living for others and not you?
Dear friend, I'll want
to today introduce you to a brand new person with expectations from you, that
great person is you!
Dear friend, it is
time to have expectations from you. You deserve to please and impress you too.
You are also important and you owe it to you to also be happy and satisfied
with you?
What do you want from
you? How much of your income is for you; not your spouse or your children or
that girl friend or boyfriend or relative or friend, how much do you intend to
spend on you? You owe you money! You owe you time, you owe you attention, you
owe you rest, you owe you vacations, you owe you pleasant moments, you owe you
lovely clothes, dresses, shoes and body treatment.
Dear friend, don't you
suppose it's time you meet your expectations from you as well?
What are those things
you really want? Think about it, when do you want it? Plan for it, how well do
you want it? Work for it?
For a season make you
a priority, take care of you, love you seriously, prioritize you and treat you
very nice.
You will consequently
realize you can actually break free from the very absurd expectations from
others and be your own person. If you treat yourself well, meeting your own
expectations and rewarding yourself, with time, you will find it easier to be
considerate and do stuff for other people as well without any grudges,
bitterness or animosity.
Dear friend, for a
season priorities you and make others secondary; you'll be very happy and
you'll earn the respect of others subsequently. Please keep up with your own
expectations from you.
Written By : Muyiwa Afolabi
CEO; Frontiers Consulting Services
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