Every child has the
ability to stand out and excel in whatever they set their heart on, right from
infancy till adulthood. No child is naturally wired for failure from the start
and the failure of the child is, quite likely, the failure of the
parent-teacher. Therefore, parents and guardians must ensure they communicate
effectively through appropriate means to ensure that their children learn
necessary lessons to enable them successfully tackle the various challenges of
life as they mature and grow up.
The Bible says in Isiah
54:13- “And all your children shall be taught of the
Lord and great shall be their peace”. It suffices to say that
our children will give us peace if we ensure that they are brought up in line
with the principles of God’s word, and we help them develop a personal
relationship with God such that it becomes very easy for the Lord Himself to
personally teach them.
Our twenty first
century word systems demand a lot from parents, which leaves little room for
communicative monitoring. Most parents are too busy all day, and subsequently
too tired to notice certain budding developmental traits in their children.
Unfortunately, these missed but critical traits mostly define how the children
turn out in life.
The purpose of this
piece is to explain the developmental balance in children, from a stage of
total dependency (0-9 years), to a stage of gradual independence (10-18 years),
and finally to total independence (18 years and above).
1. Stage 1 – Total
Dependency (0-9 years)
The Bible says in 1
Corinthians 3:10 According to the grace
of God which was given to me, as a wise master builder I have laid the
foundation, and another builds on it. But let each one take heed how he builds
on it.
This is the first stage
of a child’s life, during which he is most strongly influenced and impacted by
his parents. Teachers and pastors can only build on the foundation laid by the
parents. Your child is impacted by everything about you, the parents – from
your background to your views on parenting. This is even more so, especially in
this part of the world where parents have a sentimental or emotional responds
to everything a child does. For instance, a child insists on having a certain
toy, but his mother says no, because she has already bought about ten different
sets of the same toy for him.
However, minutes later,
the child is playing with the same toy Mother just denied him. How come? The
child simply barraged Mother with tantrums, stressed her out emotionally, so
much so that she eventually caved in and handed the child the toy – the same
toy he was not supposed to have. What Mother just communicated to child is; You
are in control”. The little child then grows up with the foundational mindset
that he can get his mother to do anything he wants. All he has to do is throw a
tantrum. This is what we call dependent confidence, which describes the
scenario where a child believes he can manipulate his parents into doing
anything he wants.
Parents cannot afford
to be mislead by their kid’s saintly faces. Always recognize that your children
have goals, and they have a single minded commitment to their achievement. Your
response to their activities will determine the bedrock of other development
strides in their lives.
2. Gradual
Independency (10 – 18 years)
While the first stage
as describe above lays the foundation, this is the stage where some structural
defaults have to be corrected. By this stage, all the traits your child picked
up while growing are fully formed. You begin to notice things you never noticed
before, and truly, it can be hard to come to terms with these traits. If the
major foundational work is properly done, you would be more relaxed as you only
be required to do light paint touch ups during this period. But if otherwise,
then you have to come to terms with the need to do heavy remedial work, which
will require the following:
A)
A
careful assessment of the observed defects - Parents will be required to switch mode and
spend more time with their kids, relating with them in love whilst praying and
sharing the word of God regularly with them. These are tools for foundational
rebranding;
B)
A model solution to work with – Based on
the revelations or insight you garner during assessment, you will need to
carefully map out the right course to ensure that the rebranding is permanent;
employ mentors, to properly role model your child into a better branch.
C)
Follow up – This is required to ensure the
new brand is effective.
3. Stage 3 –
Total Independency (18 years and above)
At this stage, when the
foundation is fully laid and with the structure of the house in place, all that
is required is continuous upgrades to ensure the features of this beautiful
home meet the standards of desired results.
Your work as a
parent/guardian is relatively limited to prayer and godly advice. Remember that
a family that prays together stays together. However, most of the continuous
building from this stage is left to pastors/teachers/evangelist et cetera, in
the church. In this regard, it is a great privilege to have kingdom class
mentors take charge of making sure our grown up children finish strong.
Finally, 2 Corinthians
9; 8 says, And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you,
always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every
good work.
All said and done,
parents need to take out time to pray enerstly for the grace or strength to
fulfill their parenting obligations with ease.
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