A couple of weeks ago I got a call from an old
friend whom we used to be together as class mate in my secondary school days.
It took a while recollecting his name and matching it with his face but I
eventually did.
We used to be close and we played a lot of
football together back in the days in secondary school. He was quite excited
speaking with me after so long. He got my number from my website and he decided
to call and speak to me. I was glad he made the phone call too as I always love
to reconnect with old friends and school mates long after separation.
We spoke for a long while in both
English and Hausa language and I was amazed; almost shocked at how much he
remembered about me, about our lives and times in secondary school and all the
interesting and naughty things we used to do.
He kept talking and I was just laughing and
listening, the nicknames, the mischief, the several punishment and flogging at
the assembly for misconduct; sneaking out of school, fights and quarrels – men,
I was blown away, he remembered everybody by name and even sitting positions in
class; he remembered the names of the teachers, the nicknames we gave them,
experiences with them and everything.
He remembered all the eating joints we used to
sneak out of school and go to back in those days in Malali and Anguwar Rimi in
Kaduna, I was into sports and several social activities and he reminded me of
school competitions and experiences way back in those days between many of the
popular schools then including Command Kaduna, Labayi International, Essence
International, Capital School, Hawad international, Zamani college and FGC
Kaduna. He blew my mind away; I had forgotten almost everyone and many of the
experiences.
My former classmate, though no longer residing
in Kaduna remembered everything and everyone in those days as though it all
happened yesterday. After talking of our past together, I began to inquire
about how he is and what he was doing right now.
At that point, his tone of voice dropped and
the excitement was gone. Well at the moment I’m really not doing anything, he
explained. He said he used to work for a construction company and five years
ago he was retrenched and since then he’s not been able to secure another
employment.
He is married of course with four children and
his wife and elder brother have been carrying his responsibilities. I asked why
he’s not been able to secure another job in five years and him; like many
Nigerians just went on blaming the government, the economy and everyone else
but him.
I wasn’t very pleased with this my friend.
After all these years, he still led a life without purpose, direction, vision
or significance. He seems not to be able to connect effectively with his future
and in my conclusion, it’s probably because he’s yet to say goodbye to the
past.
Dear friend, life is all about seasons, times,
stages, experiences and definitely progress. Everyone is expected to move
forward and ahead in life. You enter a season, a stage; fulfil its requirement
and move on to a higher level and state in life.
No matter the pleasure and excitement of a
stage or level in life, you must know when it’s time to say goodbye to that
level and move on. One of my colleagues at work, ChiChi, told me of someone she
used to know many years ago in her university days whom she still heard
recently is still at the school.
Another of my colleague, Tolu running her
master’s program at the same university now, also confirmed this reality that
there are some people she used to know and see back then when she was in the
university as an undergraduate many years ago and these people are still there
today; still running undergraduate programs.
These people I conclude are tragically
overwhelmed and possibly intoxicated by the life on campus; they find it
difficult letting go of the stage. They embrace the excitement, fun and social
pleasures of university life and think life after school can never be as
exciting or fun, so they don’t do the needful to move to their next stage in
life as quickly as possible.
They are popularly referred to as unserious by
those who know them, because they do not know how to say goodbye to every stage
in life.
Succeeding in life is about continuous
progress from stage to stage from level to level. Failure to let go of a
seemingly exciting stage in life keeps you locked down and stagnant; hence
you’re bereft of a well-rounded progressive life.
Many bachelors who ought to have been married
as long as ten years ago are still single because they love their lives like that,
they are afraid or avoiding responsibility, or probably waiting for that
perfect lady forgetting the older they themselves become, the more imperfect
they are getting. As a man, why are you single at thirty seven, thirty eight or
even forty? Be sure you’ll pay school fees till you’re probably seventy if you
don’t act fast now.
Progress in life is moving forward and ahead
to the next stage and level. No matter the pleasure of your current level and
the challenges of the next level, succeeding is about moving ahead anyways, no
matter the obstacle or opposition.
You must embrace your next stage and level no
matter what and how you feel. Our life’s journey is insensitive to feelings,
it’s about action and reaction, choices and decisions; it’s about a resolve to
keep going no matter what.
You see, our attitude is always a reflection
of our thinking and mindset. It’s difficult moving forward in your life if you
can’t move forward in your mind. Many today have become victims of mind
conditioning. Your mind has refused to move away from certain things and
certain levels hence, your life cannot move away from it. Your life moves in
the direction of your thoughts and mind set. As a man thinks so is he. You
can’t be better or faster than your thinking. A man is only as good or
progressive as his mind.
What is your dominant thought? Are you filling
your mind with the thought of yesterday or the thought of today; not giving
much thought to tomorrow?
Are you daily living in the pleasure and
excitement and memories of your past?
Are you a prisoner of once upon a time? I mean
like, once upon a time I had a good job, once upon a time I had a lot of money,
once upon a time, I had a good spouse, once upon a time I wasn’t a widow, once
upon a time my parents were alive, once upon a time I was popular and
influential.
Are you daily reminding yourself of those good
old days and basking in the memory so much so you have refused to see a better,
more rewarding future? Are you absolutely tied to yesterday – the people,
places, occasions, events and great experiences of yesterday?
Or you’re so into the fun and pleasure of
today you don’t want to even think of going into your tomorrow.
Some are so comfortable in paid employment
they abhor the thought of moving on to self-employment; in fact some don’t even
want to be promoted because of the power, influence and benefits tied to their
current office and positions.
Dear friend, please don’t get stuck in today,
your life is sure better than whatever the pleasure is today; I assure you, you
can be much better than this. Just make the effort to progress. Learn to say
goodbye when it’s time to every stage and level in your life and go for the
next level no matter what.
You see if you don’t move in your mind, your
thinking can’t change, if your thinking does not change your attitude would not
change and if your attitude does not change your outcomes remain the same.
Why would you chose to remain the same and
probably stagnant in an ever changing world just because of the pleasure of the
season. Move on!
You see, when you refuse to take on your next
level or challenge, you don’t grow, you don’t become mature and you don’t
imbibe the discipline required for you to be at the top of your career and
life.
The rigor and pressure of our journeys prepare
us psychologically and emotionally for leadership and capacity.
A fresh graduate no matter how old, even at
fifty cannot be a director of a multinational. It comes by experience acquired
through training not academics. The ability comes by that journey through
stages.
My dear friend say goodbye to that purposeless
relationship and get married, say goodbye to that income and go for more, say
goodbye to that employment and go for something better, say goodbye to the best
of your experience to embrace something much better. There is something always
better than your current best out there.
Saying goodbye to a stage is always easier
when you openly embrace, welcome and accept the next stage; your next season.
Dear friend, don’t focus on the challenges of your next season; look out for
the good in it too and go for it.
Look forward and move forward. Dear friend,
what is your next season, say goodbye to this season and move today.
Written By : Muyiwa Afolabi
CEO; Frontiers Consulting Services
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